The Killer Whale
by Tono Radish
Summary: Just for the record this is a CRACK fic… Makoto finds out that his d is so bomb people die after having sex with him. Can he continue to turn down the offers of his many admirers?


**As I said in the description… THIS IS A CRACK FICTION! WHEN I SAY CRACK I MEAN CRACK! IF YOU TAKE THIS AS A SERIOUS LITTERARY MASTERPIECE IN A WAY THAT ISN'T SARCASTIC… well thank you I try. I'M KIDDING! THIS IS A JOKE! NOW ENJOY THE CRACK!**

**P.S. I highly recommend listening to Liebestraum by Franz Liszt as you read this. It's what I wrote it to.**

The Killer Whale

It was a hot summer's day; Makoto had just graduated high school and moved to Tokyo. He left the window open and lie on the floor with a popsicle in his mouth. He and Haru had been getting pretty serious, but since he had gone to Australia with Rin for a special training Makoto had been rather lonely. He checked his phone, another text from Kisumi. Even though MakoHaru was common knowledge by now, Kisumi still continued to hit on Makoto… every time they met up.

His phone rang, it was Haru.

Makoto leapt to his feet, smiling, "Hi Haru! I miss you so much! How's Australia?"

There was a pause.

"Haru?"

"Makoto… something happened between me and Rin and… well… the truth is…"

Makoto didn't catch the rest. He had already dropped his phone. Haru had cheated on him? And now he was breaking up with him too? Makoto picked up his phone and hung up. Haru called again but this time Makoto just watched the phone buzz before it went silent again. Haru didn't leave a message. Makoto stared at the phone for a long time. Then he picked it up and pocketed it. He put his sneakers on and went for a walk. Before he had known what was happening he was at Kisumi's door.

The door opened, "Oh hey Makoto? Did you get my text?"

Kisumi didn't say anything else, because Makoto had leaned down and kissed the pink haired boy. Well, this was a dream come true for Kisumi so he quickly pulled Makoto into the apartment, slammed the door shut, and ripped both their clothes off.

It was glorious. The best sexy man sex candy sex Kisumi had ever had. Woah. Makoto, the d is strong with this one.

When Makoto woke up he was naked in bed with Kisumi. How hard did they go? He barely remembered it. He sighed, he couldn't believe what he had just done.

"Kisumi? Are you awake? Kisumi?"

He shook the boy, but he didn't move. On top of that he was as cold as death. Oh no… Makoto checked his pulse, it had stopped. He quickly ran to his phone and called the hospital. Makoto knew it was pointless though; somehow his friend Kisumi had died.

Makoto didn't sleep that night. The haunting visions of what he did with Kisumi danced across his ceiling like shadows. Still, Kisumi was dead, who would have to know? Makoto shook his head, how could he think such a thing? Kisumi had died and here he was thinking about the convenience of it. That's disgusting. Still… true is true no matter what the circumstance.

Haru had returned to town with Rin for the funeral. The cause of death was still unknown as they put the boy in the ground. Makoto looked into the hole at the coffin, he couldn't take his eyes off of it, where as Haru couldn't take his eyes off of Makoto. He didn't stay for the celebration of Kisumi's life, Makoto just went home. He stared at the ceiling, Kisumi was actually gone. He couldn't understand it, no one really could. Then his doorbell rang. He halfheartedly made his way to answer it. He was surprised to see Rin standing there.

"I'm really sorry about your friend, can I come in?"

Makoto didn't say anything, he just let Rin enter. What was he here for, really? He had stolen Haru from him, he didn't even know Kisumi.

"I'll make some tea," said Rin in the little kitchen.

Makoto took a seat on the floor and looked out the window.

"You know Makoto… I have a confession to make," Rin said as he was suddenly behind Makoto, draping his arms around him, "It's not Haru I'm in love with, it's always been you."

Makoto's eyes widened, he turned around to question the boy when instead their lips met. Rin had kissed him. It was soft and warm, and Makoto blushed. His head was nothing but pudding now that Rin kissed him again and again. Rin took the tall man into the bedroom, ignoring the kettle going off he said,

"Won't it be fun to have a little secret?"

Makoto finished, Rin's body limp under him. He dismounted the boy and sighed, catching his breath. His heart was pounding. He never realized how much he had wanted Rin until then. He just never let himself, there was Haru. Haru, what will he say? What will he do? He's so fragile he might just swim into the ocean and drown himself.

"Hey Rin, we need to talk," there was no response, "Rin?"

No, not again, "Rin! Rin, answer me! RIN WAKE UP! RIN!"

No answer. Rin was dead. First Kisumi, now Rin? What's happening? Was it Makoto? But how? That doesn't even make sense. He had to be sure. He left Rin in his bed and got dressed. When he got to the door Haru was standing there about to ring the bell.

"Oh, Makoto. Is Rin here? He won't pick up his phone?"

Makoto looked back into his apartment, "no, he's not here. Did… he say he was coming here?"

"No… I just thought… Where are you going?"

"I have to… do something at the university. I'll talk to you later, I'm in a hurry. I'm sure Rin is fine though…"

Makoto locked his door and made a run for it. He's not a murderer, this is just silly. He should have just called the hospital again, told Haru that Rin had died… why was he naked? He couldn't tell Haru. No, he just had to be sure, even if it was impossible. He was in the red light district; a fairly pretty girl was standing outside a hotel in cheap clothes with a lot of makeup. He swallowed his pride and walked up to her and they went into the hotel.

Makoto left the hotel as white as a sheet. She was dead too. He walked to the hospital and went to the emergency lobby. He needed to see a doctor about this. They let him in and he spoke to a man for a long time. They gave him a robe to change into and an inspection and decided that somehow Makoto screwed so great that his partners would be so fulfilled they would just drop dead. The doctor could only tell him to avoid sex at all costs from then on. The doctor left him to change back in his clothes when a nurse entered the room; she had heard of Makoto's predicament and… wanted to try it for herself. Makoto didn't know how to say no.

When he returned home he found his bed was empty. The doctor had sent a car to get the body. Makoto sat on the floor again. He picked up his phone and called Haru.

"Rin's dead."

Few words were exchanged after that, Makoto didn't know what to say and Haru never spoke much anyway. The decided to go get some food to talk things through. They went to the little ramen shop they used to love so much. This was a bad idea since it was not only filled with noodles but their memories as well. More than thoughts of Rin were the thoughts of when they were in love. They ate, not swapping many words at all. After that Makoto walked Haru home, it was the least he could do really.

"… I'll see you around, Haru," Makoto said as he tried to leave.

Haru took his sleeve, tears in his eyes, "please stay."

Makoto went into Haru's apartment and took a seat. Haru sat beside him. Once again they sat in silence. Makoto was going to say something but stayed silent. Then Haru said his name and Makoto looked at the boy and their lips met. Haru had kissed him. Makoto began kissing back, an expert at this point. They made out on the couch until Makoto was on top of him. Maybe this time it would be okay? Maybe this time he could just…

"Haru… please don't take off my shirt."

"What?"

Makoto moved away from Haru, looking at his feet, "I can't… not with you…"

Haru's face was streaming with tears, "What do you mean not with me?"

"No! Not like that! I want to! I really do! More than I have anyone! But if I do… If we do… Haru… I can't make love to you because… I have a killer dick."

Haru's face went dead, "excuse me?"

"There's no other way to explain it. When I have sex with someone they die. I went to the hospital today and they confirmed it. We don't know why it happens it just does. Do you understand?"

"Get out."

"Haru, I'm not lying!"

"GET OUT!" He threw a swimsuit at him.

Makoto left. He walked home in silence, this night had been a hot one as well. He was just happy that Haru was safe. No, happy wasn't the right word.

**This was supposed to be a one shot but the process of writing it is taking longer than I thought so it'll be a short multichapter fic. You thought it was weird before? Guess what it's only gonna get worse.**


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